No name

2010-06-29T16:56:00.002+08:00

sorry, it was a wrong thing to say.
forgive me, my heart races every time i see you.

2010-06-05T01:30:00.002+08:00

i have a sudden urge again to visit my pri sch friends in hk, should i do so, i believe it is going to be filled with many funny moments.

2009-12-22T18:48:00.002+08:00

and now i am going crazy, falling down the pit like i did.

2009-11-25T14:30:00.002+08:00

雖然不是陳鴻烈的影迷, 但他畢竟是香港的老牌演員, 近年來電視劇也有不少戲份. 永遠懷念

2009-11-16T18:32:00.002+08:00

如果你能夠讓皇上因你的喜愛而喜愛, 你的厭惡而厭惡, 那皇后將會比死更難受 -- 取彔自<金枝欲孽>

2009-11-03T18:03:00.001+08:00

when a person believe in something so strongly,

the act of believing becomes scary.

2009-09-28T15:37:00.003+08:00

this afternoon on the train, two conversations were overheard. lest you think that i enjoy listening to other people's talking without their consent, they were speaking at a volume that made over-hearing inevitable.

the first was two youths discussing the good and bad of the girls in their class. after a few minutes of discussion, they concluded that the 'decent' ones are already taken, while the 'c-m-i's are, well, simply c-m-i. the second group was of 3 guys and 1 girl, who was teasing her companions abt introducing them to girls they fancied. and they went on to talk abt the popular and unpopular girls in their class.

it was yet another reminder that i got out of the teenager-youth-student phrase of life. a deja vu. similar to the feeling as i walked out of the cinema next to a bunch of noisy/rowdy uniformed students.

==========

jessi, a good friend from malaysia who i met in university, said i have gotten used to leaving university and sheffield rather quickly. yes i agree. i have spent quite a fair bit of time exploring the city, and am glad to say that i, along with other ranmoorians, probably travelled to peak district more than most overseas students during their times there. people wise, well, distance makes the heart grow fonder, good friends need not necessarily to be physically near as much as emotionally supportive. friendship and relationship that you bother to make an effort to sustain and develop are those you treasure.

==========

one interesting local news lately...

it has come to the public attention that ms ris low 'had been convicted of five charged of misappropriation, cheating using illegally obtained credit cards, and impersonating their users' identities' (source: wikipedia). some netizens call to strip her title. this development has become one of the most heated and vocal public reactions towards the contest and, perhaps, its management.

==========

that's all. now i should turn to john harvey's novel or diable.

2009-07-11T09:32:00.001+08:00

2009-06-29T16:22:00.002+08:00

itacho sushi is in spore! =)

2009-06-20T06:20:00.008+08:00

St Malo

From East Midlands Airport, we flew to Dinard Airport.

This airport cannot be accessed by public transport. The only way to get out is to hire a car at the airport counters or to book/wait for a taxi. We shared a taxi with another two passangers (because it took a really really long time for just one taxi to come). We alighted at the entrance of St Malo's ramparts.

From St Malo's ramparts, we walked along Quai Duguay-Trouin back to the 'main land' and to the St Malo Rail Station. We then took the train to Dol-deBretagne. The trip took 13 mins and €4.40.

The hostel's owner picked us up fro Dol Station to Au Bon Accueil.

Mont Saint Michel

The owner again drove us to and back from Mont Saint Michel.

On Sunday, we took a bus outside Au Bon Accueil to Dol. From Dol, we took a train to Rennes, which took 32 mins and €9.50.

Rennes

To get to the Hotel Stars Rennes, we took bus 17 from the rail station to Rue Du Bignon, and walked for about 10 -15 mins. But on weekdays, we took bus 11 right outside the hotel to go to the city centre. Each journey only costed €1.20.

From Rennes bus station, which is next to its railway station, we took bus 7a (Rennes -> Dinard), and 38 mins later we alighted at Becherel, the first book town in France. We also went to Chateaugiron by bus 3 (Rennes -> La Guerche-de-Bretagne), a 32 mins journey.

From Rennes, we took a train to Paris Montparnasse (2 hr 10 mins, €22), then we took the metro to Paris Austerlitz, from Paris Austerlitz we took the train again to Orleans (1 hr 3 mins, €12), and arrived in Orleans.

Orleans

In Orleans, we took the tram from rail station to the hotel (the line towards Hospital La Source and alighted at Les Aulnaies).

From Orleans, we went to Blois by train (€9.60 and €9.90, less than a hour).

In Blois, we took a Chateau shuttle service (€9.70 bus excluding entrance fees at chateaux) and visited Chambord and Cheverny, that took our entire afternoon.

Tours

From Orleans, we took a train to Tours (€17, 1 hr 39 mins). This time, our hotel is just a street from the rail station. We went to Amboise by bus (Line C, 43 mins), and alighted at the city centre.

We also went to Cave des Producteurs de Vouvray, a local wine production factory and celler. We took line 61 (Jean Jaures --> Vernou) and alighted at Les Patis, which took about 25 mins). On the last day, we took the coach 'Alphacars' from the coach station (in front of the rail station) to the Tours Loire Valley Airport (€5, about 30 mins), and returned to the UK at Stansted Airport.

2009-05-27T07:04:00.004+08:00

過去一個多月我忙著寫論文，早上九點到Library，晚上八點搭巴士回家．其實家並不遠，不過人實在太倦了，連十五分鐘的路程也懶得走．

兩星期前，終於交了論文．近日沒做甚麼特別的，除了有幾次跟朋友出外用餐，其餘的時間我都在找工作，準備六月回家．

可能是因為香港新一代歌星的表現實在慘不忍睹，最近喜歡在youtube聽經典廣東歌曲．林子祥，林憶蓮，陳百強，譚詠麟，及Beyond等的歌曲就成為了我的新頻道．

我一次又一次的問自己，究竟應不應該出席七月的畢業典禮．但其實我已經知道答案．一個月前，我很肯定的告訴自己，就算我家人不來英國，我也會參加畢業典禮．我想總有一天我會後悔自己做了這樣的決定，畢竟這很可能是我一生中唯一的英國大學文憑，就算將來我要進修，恐怕也是在中國．不參加畢業典禮的理由不多，也許因為這樣，我始終不能瀟灑地作出提早離開的決定．

sheffield，我會懷念妳的．

2009-04-11T23:22:00.001+08:00

i want to go to normandy

2009-04-09T05:25:00.001+08:00

philip is so cute!

2009-03-30T07:39:00.001+08:00

平行線雖然不會相交, 卻永遠都在旁邊.

2009-03-21T06:10:00.003+08:00

i shld stop complaining.

for one reason or another, i have been repeating some statements over and over again...

2009-03-19T00:15:00.001+08:00

new phrase i learnt today - 'unthink the thinkable'

2009-03-17T18:33:00.003+08:00

the older i get, the more failures i see.

the harder i try, the more inadequacies i find.

2009-03-08T07:34:00.000+08:00

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

that will do

2009-02-27T06:03:00.013+08:00

i believe if i don't put up my LIMUN reflection soon, i won't be able to remember its details. much has happened, yet not much has happened too. better put my thoughts here, before my brain cells are required to store other information.

trust me when i said that i really looked forward to LIMUN. a politics student has the right to fantasise that one day he/she will be appointed by his/her government as THE diplomat. you can dismiss all the achievements of the United Nations, you can only see the failures of the UN, but you can't deny that 'i work in the UN' sounds pretty cool and powerful. so when louise approached me to take part in LIMUN, i agreed.

preparation began around mid-jan. the first stage required us to each submit two position papers. think of its as introductory speeches given by the country's representative on the allocated topics, except that they were in the written form. this was followed by a string of research and summary. abusing google search, UN document search, and wikipedia with no guilt, looking for every and any statements made by the real Icelandic delegates in the press and in the General Assembly. at desperate times, this might even involve me downloading many GA meeting minutes (in pdf format) and simply typing 'Iceland' into the search bar within adobe reader, and deleting those that do not contain 'Iceland' or 'Icelandic'.

the more i read, the more i realised i hadn't read. so you can imagine my joy when the first day of LIMUN finally arrived, there was no need feel guilty that i was not reading documents after documents on my laptop, one was just not allowed to do so in the opening ceremony, a sign of disrespect to our guests and LIMUN Secretary General (i am not sure if he was a cool guy, but he certainly had a cool post - all delegates had to stand for the secretary general when he was in the room).

and when our 1st committee session began, all hell broke loose. delegates waving their placards, competing to speak first on the motion (motion to decide which one of two topics should be discussed first). in between, both inexperienced and experienced delegates were shouting 'points of parliamentary inquiry', which was quite a mouthful especially in these fast-paced times. i, on the other hand, was struggling to speed-read exactly what a 'motion' was and the different kinds of motion one could use in the committee. we spend our first one and a half hour just to decide the order of topics. here, i stress that many delegates abused their speaking time in this motion, not arguing for or against whichever topic they picked, but presenting arguments that did not contribute to the motion at hand. which raised my first doubt about the effectiveness of such MUN functions, and if it was precisely a reflection of the actual international community, the effectiveness and efficiencies of the UN.

on the 2nd day, there were three committee sessions, mostly dedicated to drafting resolution papers, and making amendments to them. we saw unexpected move by Iran, Israel and US to work together. whether this collaboration was a hopeful prelude to the real world situation, or a desperate effort to end a LIMUN debate already too long, i couldn't decide. but it was a relief when the committee director declared on the 3rd day that one of the resolution papers passed with two-third majority. ending a debate that i believed went out of hands with delegates shouting 'point of order' too lavishly, and throwing out of the windows their countries' positions and imposed their personal beliefs in the stimulated conference. i must say that the Iranian delegate backed out of the very resolution paper that it agreed with Israel and US, because of an amendment submitted and passed by the majority.

during the last two committee sessions, we sped through draft resolutions and amendments, managed to pass another resolution papers in the afternoon. since the committee director rejected many motions submitted by the floor.

no doubt LIMUN was a very informative event, it was also an enlightening experience. never i saw so many people fighting to speak on the same point again and again and again. please tell me which rational country does not condemn the misconduct of peacekeepers, and if any of them does not want world peace. and meanwhile even spent time criticising the director for referring to wikipedia for a possible and suggested list of middle east countries, at one point calling him 'imperialist'.

at this point, allow me to share with you something i found on a website. this website was one of the resources provided in the committee guide prepared by the LIMUN team.

"While the First Committee offers many opportunities in principle, it often fails to make good use of its potential...Discussion in the First Committee is largely static...Statements delivered in First Committee reveal important fault lines...Some states have become entrenched in their positions, and do not listen to the arguments or suggestions of others. They reject the norms of the majority...and oppose resolutions that would otherwise demonstrate consensus on many disarmament-related issues. In turn, these time-hardened positions have given rise to a number of static annual resolutions. Rather than a political forum for debate on key issues, the First Committee has turned into a resolution-generating machine, from which repetitive, redundant resolutions are tabled and voted on year after year.

http://www.reachingcriticalwill.org/political/1com/1comindex1.html.

2009-02-20T06:14:00.002+08:00

My Committee Director and Assistant Directors

Performance at Opening Ceremony

2009-02-19T08:42:00.002+08:00

Currently experiencing some problems with uploading pictures on the blog, will try again later. Will also add my reflection of the LIMUN event then.

2009-02-19T07:56:00.007+08:00

LIMUN - London International Model United Nations 2009

First Day
- Registration and Opening Ceremony at Institute of Education.
Took some time to locate our conference folders and badges. Was wonderfully glad when I wore my badge on me. From that moment onwards, I was identified by the country I represented, not my name. Later in the committee session, one fellow delegate claimed that he responded to the name of his representative country faster than to his own name. Opening Ceremony was just speeches after speeches. The secretary-general opened the 10th LIMUN with the following statement (numbers may be inaccurate) '729 delegates, 29 universities, 14 countries, 12 committees, 1 model united nations, 1 goal'.

- Committee Session I at King's College London
DISEC (Disarmament and International Security Committee), the 1st committee of UN General Assembly. We had the biggest room, which was the auditorium. Out of the three days of conference, the highest number of countries represented in the room was around 95. Each delegate was given a placard with his representing country stated on it. One had to raise his placard and be recognised by the director before he was supposed to speak. I witnessed an array of activities in the first 60 seconds, which only added to my excitement being one of the many members at LIMUN. The enthusiasm of delegates was evident in their speeches and constant waving of placards in front of the director. We spent the first committee session to decide the agenda, by debating and voting on one of the two topics we should embark on first. And it was 'Nuclear Weapon Free Zone in the Middle East'.

- Global Village at Camden Centre
In short, a mini Intro Fiesta.

Second Day
I can only remember sitting through three committee sessions, most likely they were the only things that happened in the day anyway. We began our debate on the first topic. Meanwhile, Mexico was the first one to arrive at a Working Paper (a draft of the Draft Resolution), followed by the USA and the EU bloc. Just when Mexico and Co. were discussing how to further improve on its Draft Resolution before and over lunch. The news of a unlikely friendship between Israel, Iran and USA reached Mexico. The Draft Resolution signed by the three countries simply beat every other papers on the table. What's more can you ask for on top of the friendly exchange between two arch enemies? Meanwhile, numerous notes were passing among delegates to support suggested amendments to the Draft Resolutions. After some heated debates and particularly rather some passionate speeches from the Iranian delegate, the Draft Resolution submitted by USA, Israel, and Iran, had by now received the nods from most countries that were previously with Mexico, including Mexico herself (NB: you can support another draft resolution, even when you introduced another one).

The highlight social event of LIMUN was its delegate ball. While it may sound like an elegant 'red carpet' event to you, it was just another club night. The difference was that it took place on a boat that remained stationary on the river and we had the entire venue to ourselves.

Third Day
The first one hour or so was spent voting on the Draft Resolution on the first topic. Finally, we began our discussion on the second topic - 'Abuse and Misconduct of UN Peacekeeping Personnels'. Due to time constraint (today was the last day of conference), the director proposed that we should go through a 'speed programme' in which he would at times ruled out 'points' or 'motions' NOT IN ORDER, so that we could save more time. Rather interestingly, we really managed to debate, draft 'draft resolutions', make amendments to resolutions, and finally voted on the resolutions by the end of the last committee session. We managed to finish just around the auditorium was to be closed for preparation for the closing ceremony, which my team attended.

2009-02-17T07:57:00.001+08:00

will update on LIMUN soon, it is certainly an event worth some space here.

2009-02-08T09:33:00.000+08:00

突然好想唱K

2009-02-07T08:12:00.003+08:00

an awkward moment that left many thought-provoking ones.

2009-02-02T21:20:00.002+08:00

heavy snow is falling on sheffield. went out for lunch with ximin at Cream. hadn't seen her in more than a month. both of us were looking at the streets outside the cafe, seeing white fluffy snow falling down from the sky. the scene outside was very pretty, almost movie-like. but the constant snow and wind means i can't really go out today. time to sort out things i need to do.

2009-02-01T07:08:00.003+08:00

finally managed to be bothered to change my font colour and size here. it should be easier to read now on Mozilla and Chrome. previously the words were black on the grey background and one font size smaller. i am not too sure if this would be the same on Internet Explorer. that browser seems to have many security concerns, and i seldom use it nowadays.
*
today i went to sheffield peace garden/fountain area to participate in a 'stand-still' event, during which we remained motionless on the spot for 5 mins starting from 12pm, at the sound of the bell. you can check out some videos on youtube.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=DQsf3lpDyo4&feature=related

jocelyn, jess wan, huiyiang, cj, malcolm, chris, and nick were there too. the only city in the UK i know that did this before is london. let me know if you have seen others.
*
over the holiday i went up to hillsborough and visited the very big and cheap Morrison supermarket hwancui always talk about. i am discovering more places in sheffield =)
*
during dimsum lunch at wong ting today with jocelyn, nick, cj, jess wan and huiyiang. the idea of going to peak district came up. i am happy. it will soon be the time of the year again when we can enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells in peak district =) and of course, as jocelyn said: 'the pub lunch'! time to start planning some trips.
*
i am looking forward to LIMUN - London International Model United Nations - in mid feb. I was writing position paper 2 just now, but was stuck...I will continue working tomorrow. but yes, indeed, i am excited. i haven't been to a model UN before. i am going to meet students from europe and uk universities and join them in discussions...btw, my team represents iceland. and my committee is responsible for nuclear disarmament in the middle east and the misconduct of UN peacekeeping
*
weather forecast said sheffield is going to snow tomorrow.
*

2009-01-02T00:36:00.001+08:00

emotionally drained

2008-11-25T07:30:00.002+08:00

just to tell ppl that i am alive despite my long absence from this space. quite a few things have happened since i last blogged in october. which include food festival, essay writing, firework, housemates etc etc... more updates on my life after 11th december -- that's the last assignment deadline. meanwhile, take care everyone!

2008-10-22T07:48:00.002+08:00

just got a call from hideki-san.
he is in london right now for a company presentation.
it's calls like his that really make my day.
and insist on carrying my phone everywhere i go, including the toilet, hahaha =)
how much can a phone call do, lots, people, lots.

Rachmaninov had big Hands

2008-09-23T22:13:00.001+08:00

2008-09-21T04:59:00.002+08:00

yc invited two new sheffield students from hwachong for dinner thhttp://www.blogger.com/is evening. i must admit i am a little apprehensive about meeting them. in fact, i am often wary about meeting singaporeans (although i stay with 4 of them in the house). one of the reasons i decided to come to the uk to study is to escape singapore. obviously i can't deny the fact that i visited singapore in the past two summers. i am not cutting all the ties with singapore. but moderation is always good. which is why given the fast that i stay with 4 singaporeans nearly everyday for the past academic year, and that i am still staying with them under the same roof for the coming academic year, to meet MORE singaporeans is just over the dosage. there is no shortcoming in their characters. i met most of my best friends in singapore. but on top of 'escaping' the city, it is also a fact that i came to the uk for an international experience, not a 'home' (in the sense of familiarity) experience. perhaps it's because i didn't hang out with the singaporeans in my first year much, at least not as much as what other singaporeans did. i no longer feel any attachment towards singapore (perhaps i never did, with the exception of my family and some close friends). and i had a really good experience in my first year, and this was possible without a significant presence of singaporeans in my life then. i appreciate that i am meeting students of different nationalities. i believe with my character and time, should i have spend more time with students from 'home', i wouldn't be as close to the (ranmoor) international students as i am now. simply because i wouldn't have the time to go ard making friends. some people are born with the gift to attract people to them, to make friends (and connections) with someone on the street. and i know i am not one of them. i need more time and effort to keep up with friendships and networking. anyway, back to the topic of meeting the singaporean juniors. nope, i am not particularly excited or enthusiastic about it, it would have been the same whether the people who came to dinner at my house tonight were singaporeans or other nationalities. i offer them no emotional privileges. in fact, i prefer meeting students from places other than singapore and hong kong. of course, i am aware that as a senior, i have some duty and responsibility and willingness to welcome the new singaporean students to sheffield. however, it has been difficult for me to categorise singaporean juniors in a different folder from other juniors (simply new students from other countries and including the uk). i don't think there is a need to, and i don't know how to. in the first place, i find it hard to connect with people, and in this case, singaporeans, and also in other cases, hongkongers. i have to remember, i am neither here nor there. i am not as emotionally attached to singapore as native singaporeans are (but i remain very grateful to singapore for its education). years abroad have kept me away from 'hongkong-ness'.
neither here nor there. in the middle of nowhere.

2008-08-22T18:15:00.004+08:00

*sweeping dust*
it's already 22nd Aug! for how long have i neglected this space?!
*
23rd June - first day of work at RC/IRRA. a pretty small office, similar to the size of SCE, my previous employer in singapore. no more than 15 permanent staffs in the causeway bay office. a few others station at CUHK office. while some others work either from their other offices, because i have only seen them only once or twice in the past two months (considering i went to work EVERYDAY in June and July). met new people (duhhh...) interns: most of them are either local university students, or hkers who go to the uk or the states for undergraduate studies. when i talk to them in person, or on msn, i realise how out-of-touch i am with this city's culture. eg. cantonese terms, things and people here, social development etc. so i am really glad i was 'enlisted' to help with 'global elites 2008' on two occasions, both to lead a group of 10+ secondary students in discussions (olympic and liberal studies; sino-us relations), which allowed me to interact with hk youths. found this guy who used to study in a primary school that is opposite mine! so exciting...you may wonder why all the hype. it is because all other students in that group were from schools outside my zone (sheung shui, and fanling), only he is from my 'area'! so how could i not be excited?! and to be honest (whenever i say this phrase nowadays, i think of jess wan), it's not common for me to see students from sheung shui and fanling to be involved in something (academic programmes) like this. simply because (1) there are many more schools outside these two areas; and (2) schools in the city i.e. kowloon and hong kong islands are 1000 times more famous than those in my 'areas'. i mean just look at hong kong students in sheffield, or the interns i have met so far, how many of them are from North N.T.!?
*
apart from work:
(1) every alternate week, i visit my maternal grandparents. they stay close to where my family house is, which is in the northest part of N.T., only a a few mountains away from the border. from my relatives' place (where i am staying now), i need about 2 hours to travel to my grandparents' place. despite the fact that most of the times i am attacked by the mosquitoes there (since it is in the countryside), and it takes a really long and tiring journey (first bus, then mtr, then bus, then walk under the sun for 25 mins), it's always worth my effort to go back. from what i see, and from what my mum has told me, the way my mum's siblings (aka my uncles) are treating my grandparents, and how infrequent their families visit my grandparents, i believe it's my responsibility to visit them whenever i can while i am in hong kong. perhaps it's because i used to stay near my maternal grandparents', a significant part of my childhood was there (we used to have dinner with my grandparents every two weeks), that i feel more emotionally attached to my grandparents, which is also why my cousins are relatively not as close to them as me and my siblings are.

(2) met my pri schoolmate twice. once for my cousin's orchestra concert, another time for lunch. exactly what holds people together for such a long period of time despite the physical distance between them, i have no idea. because i have witnessed how fragile, yet how strong, friendship can be. i also visited my kindergarten, and i met my kindergarten principal! i can't believe she is still working there, the last time i heard she retired to help out at her daughter's music shop. however the plan didn't work out because of the exponential increase in rent in hong kong right now. instead, my principal is now a happy grandmother. for no reasons, i teared when i hugged my kindergarten principal. not (just) because she remembers my name after all these years, but perhaps just because of the sense of familiarity i can only get in hong kong. while i hardly feel homesick (never say never) while i am away from hk, this sense of familiarity and belonging is still a very pleasant feeling, which can brings tears to my eyes.

(3) eat. no i didn't eat A LOT. but i have tried a fair amount of cuisine here. because my aunt eats out every weekend, and since i have my meals with my aunt and my paternal grandmother nearly everyday (but i don't stay with them), i get to dine out rather often. and whenever i go back to N.T. to visit my grandparents, i will have lunch at one of those hong kong cafes, places i used to frequent while i was young. food makes me a happy woman.

2008-07-31T01:24:00.002+08:00

=)

[that's all i can afford with the time i have now]

2008-07-28T00:43:00.002+08:00

haven't updated for more than a month.
will do so soon.
if i can steal time off work in the office.
don't think that will be a problem.

2008-06-23T03:26:00.002+08:00

a record of what i have done since the end of exams on 12th june.

12th june, thursday: finished exams in the afternoon. dinner with yihchyn, huiyiang, and louise at an african restaurant.

13th june, friday: morning went to hathersage in peak district, with cj, nick, huiyiang, nelson, joey, peggy, mal g, yue min. afternoon prepared party food and decorations with huiyiang and yihchyn. evening was surprise farewell party for joey.

14th june, saturday: sent huiyiang off at the railway station in the morning. had mcdonald's breakfast, and walked back home from railway station. cleaned the house again.

15th june, sunday: woke up at 12pm! can't remember what i did.

16th june, monday: morning went to castle market to buy fresh pork and fish. evening invited mal g, isaac, yuemin, chee, jess, jiar ri over for dinner at mine.

17th june, tuesday: lunch with xinmin at loch fyne. yummy seafood!

18h june, wednesday: lunch with jess wan at nando's, then to city centre. and went ice skating with kim, dave, and jess wan.

19th june, thursday: no recollection.

20th june: lunch with cj, nick, mal g, jess, at wong ting cantonese restaurant. went to starbucks for tea with jessi. and steamboat dinner at mine with isaac, anna, sonal, jess, and hsemates

21st june, saturday: left the UK

22nd june, sunday: arrived HK!

2008-06-23T03:08:00.003+08:00

today i flew from manchester to dubai, and from dubai to hong kong.

my 8.50pm flight from manchester was delayed, we only left the airport ard 10.50pm. which meant those of us who needed to take the connecting flights had very little amount of time to move from one gate to another. the ground staffs at dubai airport were not helpful. some of us were still at the end of the queue for the security checkpoints when the PA system announced that it was Final Call for EK380 to hong kong. in any case, i arrived home - well, if i consider my paternal grandma's place a home. i haven't been here for nearly 10 years. i hardly recognise the surrounding.

but i can see that my grandma misses company a lot. we talked from 1am to 3am this morning. after all, i haven't been back for quite a long time. i have been spending most of my holiday in singapore, and when i did visit hong kong, i did not inform my father-side relatives that i am back since i stayed at my maternal grandparents' place.

most likely going back to my family house and my maternal grandparents' place (they are near each other, about 5-10 mins walk) this weekend. my sister said i shouldn't switch on the air conditioner in our house, because there are many ants. i wonder if she did, and all the ants were blown off from the machine. and since it takes so much time to travel from where i am staying now to my house, i will stay there overnight / stay at my grandparents' overnight (more likely) - which means no internet.

while i was on the plane at manchester airport, for some reasons, i actually miss sheffield. perhaps because i have been spending so much time there. and have been too used to whatever that are in sheffield. i don't know, i am confusing myself. did some shopping at the manchester airport (since i knew by then i wouldn't be able to do any at dubai international airport). bought things for my grandparents.

2008-06-19T08:53:00.001+08:00

面对，接受，放下

2008-06-18T10:30:00.000+08:00

i don't know. because i haven't asked. perhaps i never will.

2008-05-20T16:28:00.003+08:00

Falling For A Decade

i bet i can find an entry on this blog that talks about trusting people. and how i felt abt kidding myself that someone can be trusted. someone can be trusted enough for me to tell them things abt myself and expect them to keep certain things abt me to themselves. and not to tell ppl abt them, especially not to tell ppl who i don't want them to know what was / is going on in my life.

one of the biggest mistakes i have made is to trust. i thought i am on guard all the time, but that is not enough. i remember telling my family, if you don't want ppl to rub salt on your wound. then don't get injured.

in my case, i wasn't given an option. it just happened. shit happened. just as my wound is starting to heal, especially since we are approaching june, someone(s) has to tear it apart. it's not entirely their fault. the fault lies with me. i don't have a strong resolve. if i train myself to be immune to such pains, life would have been much better, wouldn't it?

it's difficult to earn my trust, even harder keep it. some of you may have fooled me, but i won't be fooled twice. but given my low IQ and EQ levels, i can only try.

your best friend is your worst enemy. but i am my worst enemy. perhaps one day if you find this blog rids of such entries. that's the day i finally learn how to pick myself up from the bottomless pit. and btw, the last thing i need is your help. save your sympathy and helping hands for someones else. i don't need them.

and let me just say, i have only fallen further in the past 9 years. i am utterly disappointed with myself.

i only want to talk to fiona, kankan, eugene, carmas, ellen, serene, hwee, and my brother.

2008-05-11T05:23:00.002+08:00

i am talking to yihchyn (my hsemate) about chinese poems. i love chinese poems =) it's a pity that i wasn't allow to continue the subject after sec three in st. nicks. the rule was that to study 10 subjects (excluding 'normal' chinese), student had to achieve A1 in english. a rule that i didn't and don't understand. come on, i had A1 in all other subjects during my finals in sec 3. and what does studying chinese literature have to do with english grade?!?! in any case, just want to share with everyone some chinese poems i know and like. btw, i understand no english poems. i tried. after all, english lit is compulsory (another incomprehensible feature of the singapore education system - why is eng lit compulasory while mother tougue lit are not?).

送别王维
下马饮君酒，问君何所之。
君言不得意，归卧南山陲。
但去莫复问，白云无尽时。

出寨王之涣
黄河远上白云间，
一片孤城万仞山。
羌笛何须怨杨柳，
春风不度玉门关。

春晓孟浩然
春眠不觉晓，处处闻啼鸟。
夜来风雨声，花落知多少。

江雪柳宗元
千山鸟飞绝，万径人踪灭。
孤舟蓑笠翁，独钓寒江雪。

黄鹤楼崔颢
昔人已乘黄鹤去，此地空余黄鹤楼。
黄鹤一去不复返，白云千载空悠悠。
晴川历历汉阳树，芳草萋萋鹦鹉洲。
日暮乡关何处是，烟波江上使人愁。

2008-04-30T09:23:00.002+08:00

i'm so stressed that i am tearing in the living room now. to start with, i don't cry often. second, 99% of the time i do cry is for my family. so you can imagine... my stress level right now.
i am working alone at the dinning table. everyone is upstairs working in his or her room. except for kim, who is sleeping.
all i want to keep me going is just a hug from someone. is that too much to ask for?

2008-04-24T15:14:00.000+08:00

shhhh...

2008-04-23T11:06:00.003+08:00

right. i am here again.
have been blogging rather frequently. not very renie over here.
do i have a lot of free time?
no. the complete opposite.
so why am i here?
because i have realised my daily life has been quite fucked up.
excuse the language.
i have been sleeping at 4am the past week and waking up ard 8am to get ready and go to school. why am i sleeping so late, you may ask. because the assignments come one by one, so the deadlines are spread out across the semester. which means i most likely spread out my workload. basically it just means that i do not have any week that doesn't require me to submit an assignment. mind you, politics assignments are all essays. 2000-3000 words.
anyway, back to my life. why is it so screwed up...
basically i have essays. i have 4 seminars. i am taking 10 credits more than everyone else. i have pol soc. i have IOA. i have the hse. i have friends. ya. and now i think i have mental problems.
and to make everything worse is ppl. it's bad when your mood is already down, and you still have to smile all the time. because if you don't, ppl ask: renie, are you alright? seriously just which part of me is missing that you think i am not alright? i can't be smiling all the time when there is nothing to smile at. just because i don't show any expression doesn't mean i am angry / sad / troubled. i am just emotion-less at that moment.
i really want to say/write about something here. just because it's convenient for me myself and i. but i know who are reading this space. there is one particular person i have to be awared of. it's not that i don't like you. it's just i am suspicious and sensitive. although of course i hope that i won't need to hate you.

2008-04-22T04:01:00.002+08:00

for unknown reasons, renie is now in a very bad moood. however, if you approach her, i can guarantee you that she won't throw her temper at you. only certain individuals in this world are eligible to see her acting in that manner. temper - unintentional expression of anger. how unintentional it is, is never intended for ppl renie doesn't want them to see it.

and that guy over there, you were rude to renie twice in three days. consider yourself lucky that during both occasions renie was in a very good mood. just because renie doesn't show it, doesn't mean she can't do it. and so can everybody else.

renie needs shopping therapy. soon.

above passages were written 5 mins ago. now renie is happy. or at least a bit happier. because of someone. was renie pms-ing...

2008-04-21T10:20:00.004+08:00

it's sunday. wait, no, it's monday 3+ am.

slept at 6am on sunday, because i had to talk to fiona. or rather, should i say, fiona needed to talk to me. well, whatever. from 2am to 6am... was about to collapse at the end of the msn convo. then slept a bit. woke up ard 10.30am. did a bit of work. and went to eat dim sum with the house (kim was 'represented' by david, the 7th hsemate, the associated partner, the long-stay guest, etc).

yihchyn wanted to try the dim sum restaurant at london road. so we set off ard 12.30pm. waited for the rest of the hse (who went by david's car) and louise kuah (that's two people btw).

i really think there is sth wrong with the service today. i don't even think i was demanding too much from the waitresses.

i went in with yihchyn and asked for a table for 8. ordered 2 pots of tea with the (i guess) higher-ranking staff. another waitress came back to the table and asked how many ppl were coming. so i said 8. then when the first batch of ppl (the rest of the hse) arrived. another one approached me and asked how many ppl were coming AGAIN. to which i simply relied: I just said 8.

since the menu was in traditional chinese characters, i self-appointed myself the duty of helping the table to order. basically ppl just told me what they wanted and i tried to find them on the menu. but there was no order sheet, so i wrote it on the napkin with my own pencil. how do you expect me to remember the quantity of all the dim sum we wanted. when i didn't need ppl, they kept coming to me to ask for the number of ppl coming, when i needed ppl to take order, everyone ignored our table. so finally this pleasantly plump middle-aged woman came with her order book. they didn't have one of the dim sums we wanted. nvm.

yihchyn wanted 伊面 (yi mian).
me: do you have yi mian?
she: yes we have.
me: what are the choices?
she: depends what you want.
me: oh. so what are they? you mean like you do everything from chicken, pork, etc. because yi mian isn't even on your menu.
she: depends what you want lar. we cook what you order.
me: oh. so you mean you do lobster yi mian?
she: yes. we do. but the price is different. we usually do it at night.
me: (after consulting hui yiang and yih chyn) ok. we will have the chicken yi mian.
she: how do you want it? dried or wet?
me: dried yi mian. and can i keep the dim sum menu, we will need it again.
she: no. ask us to bring over when you need it.

up till this point, i really wanted to stab her.
one. 'depends what you want' is not a choice.
two. is it just so bloody hard to tell me what kinds of yi mian you serve?
three. of course i know the lobster yi mian has a different price tag. i am not stupid. i know lobster costs more than chicken. however, because the characters 'yi mian' didn't even appear once on the menus i had, i didn't even know how much the chicken yi mian costs.
four. yi mian isn't even on the menu you gave me. and you said you usually cook this dish for dinner. ya i knew. even though i was back-facing the street, i knew it was still bright outside. then why didn't you just bring me the dinner menu?
five. please. i am not going to steal your dim sum menu. just leave your menu with me. do you know how many times i had to wave my hand to get your attention? when i didn't even want to get it.

so anyway, food arrived. but there was one point during the meal, that they didn't clear most of the empty steamer baskets. so we stacked five baskets up and added a small plate on the top of the whole structure. just to demonstrate the point that we needed them to be clear up.

then i placed another order: two 盅仔饭 (pot rice). which took a really long time to come. my hsemates suggested because the kitchen was planting rice, and maybe rearing chicken. so we had to wait for our food. another waitress (who they think is a malaysian) kept looking over at our table. i believe she was also aware that our two pots of rice were taking a really long time.

well, in general, it was a pleasant experience because finally our hse managed to dine out together! we always have house dinner, but not really at restaurants. and we talked quite a bit. sat there till 4+pm... it was an unpleasant experience because i still feel like slapping that waitress. i was already holding myself back in my words. but she just kept pushing the limit. actually come to think of it. i should have said:

me: (cantonese) what are the choices?
she: depends what you want.
me: (in mandarin) do you understand mandarin? what are the choices?
me: {in english) do you understand english? what are the choices?
me: (in arabic) do you understand arabic? what are the choices?
just to irriate her with my repeated questions, but each in a different language. and ask yihchyn to speak in malay, raymond in jaimacan, louise in hebrew, kuah in (i don't know what 3rd lang he speaks), dave in punjabi, david in cornish, huiyiang in hokkien (can't remember which dialects she knows)
yes i know it's very childish.
but it's fun.

2008-04-15T09:59:00.005+08:00

it has been nearly 1/2 month since i last posted.

i don't really know what i have been doing the past 15 days.

it seemed a very busy period for me. but i can't exactly remember the details except those of the most important events happened in my life last two weeks.

some include:
1) i sibmitted 2 essays for politics
2) i flyered for The Exchange for 3 hours at the department
3) i shopped with hui yiang for dnd stuffs
4) i wrote many bday cards
5) helped with dnd and its preparation

i realise flering at the department is quite easy. you are guaranteed a steady flow of students, and students who are more likely to be interested in a politics talk about climate change.

on friday, met up with dave and yihchyn at union and went shopping in town. the guys were happily trying clothes in GAP, which was having some really good sales. then i met hui yiang, and went around shops to get her shoes, and evening bag. then went to the printer company to collect some dnd stuffs. it rained while we were outdoor, and the sun came out when we were indoor.

many friends have bdays in april. which means i had to buy quite a number of birthday cards last week. and i actually spent time looking through all cards available because i decided on something appropriate. not to mention a friend asked me to 'surprise him' on his birthday. well, you asked for it.

so dnd is over. for the past few weeks, house 'meetings' were basically about dnd and massoc. some very interesting and hotly debated topics / arguments. dislike of someone(s) can really unite people together. even after dnd. this evening when we were having dinner together, we still couldn't stay away from dnd and post-dnd news. i realised tonight was one of the few times the 6 of us managed to sit together in the living room and talked.

today went to my first IOA session this academic year. called a number of ppl who intend to study in sheffield in the coming academic year. was pretty alright. except the MUSE system wasn't functioning all well. there was also a politics dept talk on level 3 modules for single politics and international relations students. 3rd year is coming!!! i can't really register how time has passed.

by tomorrow afternoon, 3 out of 4 weekly seminars will be cleared. one seminar on friday, then i am heading to international office again for 2 hours. i have to start on my pol 219 essay tonight. saturday gonna have fun at the international cultural evening. busy busy. not going to massoc's alton trip. just not my cup of tea...i can't even take transport without taking motion-sickness pills.

that's about all i want to mention on my blog for this entry. seriously who still check out this space?

2008-03-30T18:22:00.002+08:00

someone in the house took my TIME magazines (the two latest issues) back to his / her room. WHY!? why do you have to be act like an idiot?

(1) the magazines are not yours. and the point of me putting them in the living room ALL THE TIME is because i know others in the hse want to read, and i am nice enough to provide this 'public good' so people can 'free-ride' on it. come on, me and you are not the only people in the hse who read the magazine. you irritate me not only because i didn't get to read the issue when i wanted to, but you also annoy me when i know that others wouldn't be able to even find the fucking magazine because just so happen that you took them to your room.

(2) why do you have to make things convenient for yourself, only to inconvenient others? do you have brain? it's not as if the living room is so horrible that you can't even read a magazine in it. in fact, our living room is very confortable. i can't even comprehend the concept of selfishly bringing the magazines back to your own place, such that you can read it anytime, but others won't even get to read when they come down to the living room.

i hate it when people do that. and you know i mean it.

2008-03-30T07:08:00.005+08:00

it has been a while since i last wrote here.

well well, i was in london from last last monday to wednesday. then was in prague from friday to last tuesday. while i was in prague, i also visited dresden (in germany). for photos, visit facebook.

london was tiring! because i was sick. very sick. we went to london by coach. about four hours journey. i couldn't rest / sleep on the bus, which just made things worse. as most of you know, i have motion-sickness. like really bad motion-sickness. whether it's the plane, train, bus, taxi, private car. the only transportation i am alright with are perhaps by foot and by cycling! and i cried on the coach. because i was talking to my friend, about what i was talking about with my mum the night before. it's really bad to cry before you go to bed. eyes hurt like crazy. not something i advise you to do. so anyway, arrive at the hostel. really about to collapse. but still believed i could manage, so i went out with the guys. but decided couldn't take it anymore after dinner. and took the taxi back to the hostel. and i had fever! right, did i sound too excited about it? freaked some friends out apparently because my forehead heated up the wet towel faster than the heater in the room. second day stayed in bed, but went out at night to watch musical 'we will rock you'. not bad really, not my cup of tea. but it's alright. third day, went to my friend's friend's place in london to rest while the rest continued their london trip. and i took the train back to sheffield. because i was seriously dying.
i was so glad to be back home on wednesday night that i hit my head against the taxi roof while i was getting off it outside my hse. and that seemed to have cured my headache (which was going on and on for 3 days, so annoying).

left the hse on friday in the afternoon to east midlands airport. thought of going back home right after i was on my friend's car (he drove us to the airport). but was alright by the time i got off the car. we arrived at night. first day in prague was alright. second day i had to stay in bed again. third day we went to dresden. fourth day it snowed in prague, and we ran out of things to do so we arrived at the airport early and played cards at starbucks and had dinner at KFC (and then we played more cards). my friend drove us back home from the airport. i was grinning by the time i entered my hse door. it felt so good to be back! considering the bad mood i was in when i left the house on friday.

past few days have been trying to catch up with emails and readings. i have tonnes to do before the holiday end next week (yet i am blogging here). sheffield's weather has been bad. it is really windy and it rains. the day is getting longer though. there is still a bit of sunlight ard 6 o'clock in the evening.

met up with ellen for lunch today. had to carry all the 5 library books in my bag. but i gave up walking in the rain when i reached the bus-stop. i would have just collapsed on the road.

my blood test report is out. i have to get a hep B booster this coming monday.

i am trying to catch up with news i missed during my one week of travelling. reading like 2 TIME magazines in two days. have to keep myself up-to-date with things happening around the world.

the annual magazine seems to be in a total mess. sponsorship deals are not finalised. and we are definitely running out of time. D&D is only 2 weeks away. and the magazine has yet to be printed. i don't even know if the draft is ready. but i seriously don't think so. well, you see, i am one of the writers on the team. but to me, at this moment, with so many personal matters to handle, i can't really give a damn to what's happening to it. not because i don't care. of course i care because my name is going to be on it. and i am part of the team. but i am not the chief editor. if i was interested in taking up greater responsibility, i would have signed up as an editor. i wouldn't be a writer, right? it's quite different when i was in hksoc committee as the treasurer. i felt i was more a part of the team. hell, you can't blame me for not having any strong attachment to the editorial board if we had only one meeting so far. i mean, it just doesn't work that way. you have to be something before i consider you worth my effort and time.

sometimes when i keep quiet at mean things people say do not mean that i don't know how to respond. i just don't want to respond. there is no need to lower your status to such level to argue with idiots. to me, i always take it that everyone is capable of acting nasty, it's a matter whether one wants to do it. a self-control is perhaps more important.

2008-03-14T08:00:00.001+08:00

为什么……
我非要喜欢一个不会喜欢我的人？

2008-03-14T07:56:00.002+08:00

我对你这一生哪个可比
我与你差一些永远一起
邂逅时间场地似连场好戏
要自何页说起

爱太重深呼吸欠缺空气
爱太美轻轻的却载不起
爱情来到时候似明媚天气
它走了突然骤变雪落雨飞

如果可以恨你全力痛恨你
连遇上亦要躲避
无非想放下你还是挂念你
谁又会及我伤悲
前事最怕有人提起
就算怎么伸尽手臂
我们亦有一些距离

你太远该怎么说对不起
你太近一转身却已高飞
快乐也许太短似场流星雨
一眨眼就如幻爱怕又记起
我情愿我狠心憎你
我还在记忆中找你

2008-03-11T02:58:00.003+08:00

it has been a while since i last updated my blog. let me write a short note before i head down to the politics debate later.

signed up for the international orientation assistant job. gonna be rounds of interview before i know whether i am accepted into the programme. during pre-selection session, groups of students were given case studies to discuss and co-ordinators walked between groups to observe the discussions. sounds like scholarship assessment centres, doesn't it?

the uk met office issued 'strom alert' yesterday night. storm and downpour are expected today and tomorrow. looks like it's gonna be quite bad. i hope weather will be fine by sunday. since me and my friends are visiting whitby and scarborough then. but of course, the earlier the weather gets well, the better it is. i want the flowers in my hse garden to grow seriously. there hasn't been any growth progress yet.

now that i am working for the international office, helping them to call prospective students from singapore regarding their application to sheffield university. i am also given the duty to update my web diary on the uni website. that's a lot of blogs to update on. my personal one, my hall's and the uni's. oh well, it's only 3. but yet, given my irregularity in blog updates. you know what i mean.

i am now also on the massoc d&d team, as a stage manager. kinda looking forward to it really. i hope there will be people signing up as performers. else i will lose my job. i haven't been to a d&d in sheffield before, so it's most probably gonna be a new experience. although i doubt it will be a very drastic difference my jc prom, and the hc-alumni dinner that i attended last year in london. i didn't go to the hwa chong night this year (in feb), wasn't too keen to sit ard with ppl who i don't know and try to make friendly convos with, maybe i was just in a bad mood then.

yesterday ximin, my coursemate, came over to my hse for dinner. make 3 dishes for the two of us. we finished everything, i am glad to say. and i am going hers this weekend for a roast dinner. nowadays, i don't see cooking as a stressful exercise anymore, which is good.

2008-02-27T07:24:00.002+08:00

a reading of sheffield steel (my university student's paper) provides some interesting / disturbing news.

(1) the Union Officer team is divided over a constitutional reform. there are plans to combine the Sports and Activities officers and a removal of Women's officer.

(2) university students are buying 2:1 and 1 essays off the internet and submit them as their assignments. nationally , in first place, it's Nottingham, second is Royal Holloway, and third (surprise surprise!) Oxford University.

(3) for those applying works and internships. do remember that facebook is opened to everyone if you do not choose a higher privacy setting for your profile. this means, your potential employers can access your drunken nights pics. and it is reported that some employers DO check your facebook.

(4) a new hygiene rule - 'bare below the elbow' - is implemented in the university. muslim female students, however, have refused to comply to this standard, citing religious reasons.

(5) UK PM is considering dulling down excessive drinking during freashers' week.

2008-02-26T17:44:00.003+08:00

Chad president ordered trees to be chopped because the latter had been providing cover for attackers in the capital.
*
heated debates involving political leaders have become more popular in places previously without such broadcasting events. i.e. hong kong, spain.
*
credit crunch --> health problems? A Cambridge University study suggests that there could be more heart attacks if the Northern Rock crisis was repeated at other banks.
*

2008-02-25T07:27:00.002+08:00

i am sad. depressed.
i ate ice cream. but it didn't help.
i should have some retail therapy tmr.
*
i have to apply more internships. another massive round of applications i.e. cover letters and cvs.
my position is so embarrassing. i don't think i am eligible for most uk politics internships because i am not a uk nationals. i can't work in singapore ministries because i am not a singaporean.
sometimes i ask myself, why bother to hold on to my hong kong passport? my british national overseas passport? both of them have not much rights. my BNO sounds grand and all. but to be honest, it's just a name.
so why do i bother holding it? taking up singapore citizenship means giving up my other passports. am i just making life difficult for myself?
to keep my bno seems like a irrational decision. but i just want to be irrational here.
*
i have been keeping myself ahead of seminar readings. sth i am quite happy with. the greek guy seminar tutor in my EU class is inspiring. i like him and his classes. the george guy in contemporary affairs class failed to impress me in the first seminar. my dictationship and democracy seminar tutor is my ex-tutor for one of my first semester modules. she's alright. but the class has 13 students. how do you have 14 people speaking within 50 mins?
so after all, i like EU seminar best, dictationship and democracy lecture most. actually pol 220 (political analysis) seminars are good too. i like my seminar mates. they are nice people. i can get along with them.
*
somehow even though i am on time for most things i do. i still feel the pressure. seems like i am never doing enough and good enough. pressure i put on my own shoulders. i don't want to disappoint my family, my friends, myself.
i called my grandmas on cny first day. they said they are happy for me, to be brave to study somewhere so far from home. that they know i always study well, and i will have a bright future. i was crying on the other side of the phone, but had to keep it down because i was worried my grandmas would hear me crying and worry abt me, and inform my mum.
their words are the pressure i give myself. i can't let them down. to them, i am their proud grand-daugther. but after all, i am just like any other students in my university. it's not like i am topping my level in the department.
*
sometimes i lie to myself and others to cover up my feelings. i can't bring myself to admit these crimes. i am just not ready for it.
*
someone has caught my eyes. this should guarantee another roller-coaster ride of emotions. i really hope somethings good come out of it. but then again. my wishes don't usually come true. like my birthday wish this year. and last year. and the year before last. it's depressing.

2008-02-13T08:36:00.000+08:00

hong kong, please don't become singapore.

2008-02-12T17:08:00.000+08:00

i know i have to be grateful to the place that taught me most. but i need to go back to where i come from, where my heart is.

2008-02-02T02:50:00.000+08:00

a look at some headlines around the world:
(1) baghdad - just when people both inside and outside were beginning to feel security had returned to the war-torn city, another round of deadly suiside bombings occured. a total of more than 70 people were killed in two seperate attacks 20 minutes apart in two busy markets. whose work? it is not clearly specified in the online news articles. regardless, the sufferings brought upon the iraqi, is it the work of the foreign troops or the terrorists acting against the military force or a response in the face of inherent oppression felt in the city? what good does it do to harm the innocent?

(2) kenya - ongoing conflicts in the country since the disputed presidential election. a (simple) expression against the democracy deficit at the top level of the country's political activities, or a (more complicated) protest regarding inequal life chances available to different ethnic groups? or perhaps, both? how did the African Union avoid the kenyan issues all together? that the lack of discussion of the country's conflict seems, to me, to suggest that something more fundamental to the living of kenyan people is the underlying force driving the acts of violence witnessed in the country. what about the land and historical injustices between kikuyu, luo, and kalenjin? fighting over the lands on rift valley.

(3) china - unexpected heavy snowfall in some parts of china has caused disruptions in workers' travel plans back home in time for chinese new year next week. thousands are left in the cold outside railway stations because railways are broken. some cities are already experiencing power shortages due to delay in coal delivery, and increase in power usage due to the bitter cold. emergency units are workign day and night to clear snow on highways and railways, but they are never fast enough. is it a time to revise china's infrastructure and response system, or time to do something about that global weather?

(4) paris - rough trading or mishandling of documents? that's the big question. the near 4bn pounds loss is mind-boggling. how did a trade of this scle go unnoticed in a reputable bank, is everyone's question. time to invest in the middle and back offices, guys. it's not always just the front line that matters to your investment. earn money, but also learn to save it. we have enough troubles in the financial markets. talk about sub-prime and bad loans. they are driving the major economies, and their financial institutions and regulatory bodies crazy.

(5) us - so is the american economy going into recession or not!? give me some clues! bush is planning to push through an economic stimulus package (saying he has the veto power to do so) in a desperate move to save the economy before his presidential term ends early next year. the federal reserve cut interest rate from 4.25% to 3.5% to 3.0% within the short span of two weeks. are these measures sufficient to u-turn the economy? unemployment is on the rise. is us slowing down? the shift of market focus and *jobs* and *investments* from the west to the east (china and india) seems to do the east economcies a favour. yet we have to remember that while us is not the major exporter of china, the former remains nonetheless an important trade partner (despite the large trade imbalance). a dented consumption and declining housing market in the us are likely to cause a series of chain effects worldwide.

(6) gaza - a problem of israel or egypt? though i still don't understand why hamas bothered to snatch gaza strip from israeli rule, only to demand egypt's borders to be opened? it seems the militant group is not ready to govern the piece of land, except to bulldoze holes in the borders for its people.

2008-02-02T01:18:00.000+08:00

today i watched an episode on hong kong youth unemployment. the show centres 16-24 young adults who, for one reason or another, dropped out of school and find it increasingly difficult to earn a living. some of the interview subjects talk about their career aspirations, and their constant fear of failure. they may know where they are heading tomorrow, but they are not sure about it. or they can't even be bothered about what is going to happen in the near future. one of them dropped out of school before o level, and is now working as a Christian befriender in a local church in hk. he wants to be a social worker. and now he is studying an asso course, to increase his chance in his university application. but his supervisor told him that to be a social worker in hong kong, the minimum requirement is 5 o level passes including chinese and english.
the importance of academic qualifications. how much a certificate can mean to someone's aspiration, and life.
the inherent fear of failure these youths talk about strike a chord. i am constantly worried about success and failure. i have a few of the latter. sometimes failures leave you lost. because all that you have done fighting for a cause, have gone down the river in face of rejections. all of a sudden, you don't know what else is worth working for. what is left inside you to carry on that fighting spirit. and naively you won't want to try again, since it is too much a gamble for your heart.
back to unemployment, figures show a continuous decline in youth unemployment for the past few years. is that anything to celebrate. no. unemployment in this age group remains at a staggering 12%. that's more than 1 in 10 youths who are not in school. then again, what kinds of job fit their academic profile. labour-intensive and low value-added positions have migrated to mainland china and less developed economies in asia. or they are not even wanted by these unemployed youths.
a society lacking opportunities or a matter of expectation?

2008-02-01T08:17:00.000+08:00

recently i found a website with videos of classic hk current affairs shows. i used to enjoy these shows in my childhood. they are still running on hk tv channels nowadays. the best thing about the website is it has a list of past shows available on real or media player. these shows are very educational. talk everything from elections to cross-border cooperations to the hk story.
i have been watching a few episodes. they have not changed. their contents are ever so succinct. the programmes do not try to enforce their viewpoints, but provide a balanced presentation of the particular issues. they really get me thinking.
i just finished watching an episode on shenzheng-hongkong relations. to be honest, i have adopted a very defensive attitude towards the mainland china. i know the phenonmenon of cross-border activites is one of dialectic nature. yet, i have tended to convince myself and others only the ugly side of the story. after watching the show however, i do have a different stand towards this issue. while i am not exactly welcoming our 同胞们 with opened arms, i am definitely giving the idea of shenzheng-hk cooperation another thought.
up till now, the so-called interaction between shenzheng and hong kong is limited to economic agreements. a research committee (its primary role is to provide advice to the running of 'one country two systems') published a study detailing an intensification of cooperation between SZ and HK can put the region in the league of current cosmopolitan cities like tokyo, london, and new york. yet, to do so (assuming it is do-able), relations between the two cities have to take a big step forward. beyond economic deals, it has to bring about a cultural convergence, a consensus in regulatory frameworks and an improved movement of human resources. the markets is not the only area of society to come together, but also education, social welfare policies, talents. yet, such collaborations mean a long list of governmental and political issues to be sorted out between the special administrative region and the special economic zone.
SZ's economic relative position in mainland china has been threatened by other provinces, and it needs HK. HK is not doing too well either, and it needs SZ. the fact that both need each other, and given their history of cooperation (albeit only in the economic area) should provide a incentive to further win-win developments. however, to bring this region on a par with other cosmopolitan cities, is difficult. take the example of education, SZ obviously follows the system as set out by the beijing central government, while HK retains its own syllabus. how to bridge this gap, and a wide one for that matter. hkers who are studying in SZ are not eligible to take part in the provincial university entry exams. which means they either have to return to hk to continue their tertiary education or study overseas. it would be ideal if both systems accommodate each's features. however, this brings a long list of potential problems and struggles. would that means teachers are recognised on both sides of the border? in that case, how much should they be paid (bearing in mind, hk teachers are paid more due to SOL)? is a pre-university certificate recognised? to answer these questions involves multi-levels of bureaucracy, and it is not something that can be achieved overnight.
it remains questionable the feasibility of a heightened level of cooepration between SZ and HK beyond economic benefits. and even if it is possible, to what extent is it desirable to people from both sides of the border? you may see a movement of talent a beneficial move in the long term, but how can we balance its potential 'harms' and protect our people in the short run? the differences in political frameworks between SZ and HK remain prominent. but they are definitely not deterministic. this is the challenge of 'one country two systems' after all, isn't it?

2008-01-30T18:41:00.000+08:00

2008-01-25T22:52:00.000+08:00

i hate rejections.

2008-01-17T04:38:00.000+08:00

2008-01-16T10:09:00.000+08:00

abstract from The Straits Times sep 13 2007 article by tan shzr ee

As far as the last category is concerned, the same deeply prejudiced finance director who so annoyed me over my fateful Chinese dinner claimed that most Singaporeans he knew were interested in the world outside their social circle only in so far as these interests could be used to confirm pre-conceived ideas about the 'outside' world, or could be channelled into some money making venture.

this reminds me of what i study in pol 223 - contemporary ir theories on cosmopolitanism. it is argued that cosmopolitan curiosity exists among all human beings. that people are interested in other cultures and ways of thinking, but because they take their owns very seriously, it's nearly impossible to ask them to undertake another way of life. which argues why cultural cosmopolitanism is not possible.

2008-01-16T07:04:00.000+08:00

it's 15-01-08 11:04pm in the uk now.
it's my 21st birthday today.
yesterday night, or rather this early morning at 12am plus, i went to bed. i kept thinking to myself 'it's my birthday today'. for some reasons, even though i wasn't particularly excited with the thought of turning 21, i was quite happy. because birthday is the only day in the year that always makes people feel special i guess.
21 years. that's a really long time. i can't seem to fully comprehend the length of time i have been in this world. what have i achieved so far? i asked myself this morning. i really don't know. i only know there are still much to be achieved in the future.
just came back from dinner. my hsemates and friends gave me a surprise at the restaurant =) and i was and still am really happy. and a friend called to say happy birthday. haha. the only 'happy birthday' call i have received today. it's a nice feeling. have a few birthday cards -- always feel good to hold them in hands =)
i guess this morning was one of the very few times i actually missed home. well, just a few minutes. to be honest, i have been pretty okay since i came to the uk to study. i didn't feel homesick at all, in fact, i was very happy that i left and flew here. but i guess birthday has made me a bit abnormal for a while.
here's thanking all of you out there who sent me birthday wishes, cards and presents. it has been my honour to know you.

love
renie'08

2008-01-12T20:45:00.000+08:00

i just came back from grocery shopping and witnessed a very interesting incidence and is now sharing with all.
i was 3rd or 4th in line at the cashier till. a couple walked towards the photo-taking machine. the men asked for change for 10 pounds, to which the staff at my till gave him. and he went in to take his photos. another women, who just finished paying for her shopping and was supposed to get back her 5 pounds change was waiting at the start of the quene. unfortunately the staff somehow forgot to pay her 5 pounds when she made a mistake opening the till when she paid the man earlier on. so the staff said sorry and told the woman that she had to wait till the staff finished scanning the next shopper's shopping before she could open the till again (the policy where staffs are not allowed to open tills unless there is a transaction).
woman: i gave you a 10 pounds note, and i want my 5 pounds change now!
staff: sorry, i can't open the till now.
woman: but you gave change to the man earlier on.
staff: that was a mistake, i am not supposed to take out any money when there is no transaction.
woman: i don't care. this is a big shop. is it so difficult? i want my change now.
staff: *rang the bell* i called someone and she will deal with you shortly.
woman: i want my change. i want to complain. i know enough people here to complain...
staff: i am really sorry, but i have to leave you for now, i need to scan her (the next customer) shopping.
woman: i am going to count to 10! and you give me back my change!
shoppers ard: *a collective sigh*
the woman literally counted to 10.
woman shouted / screamed: this shop robs you money and it doesn't give you change!
the staff at the nearby cashier till: hey i will give her 5 pounds from my till.
he passed her 5 pounds and the woman left.
***
st nicks, my secondary school, just sent me an email about the 75th anniversary celebration at my old school. they are going to do a 750km homerun on our school track. one round is 0.4km, tell me how many rounds they have to walk/run?
***

2008-01-04T20:40:00.000+08:00

dream.
if only my dream comes true, i would be so happy.

2007-12-29T06:13:00.001+08:00

faith or truth?

2007-12-28T08:35:00.001+08:00

was watching the ultimate crime fighter.
one scene reminded me of sth that happened 2/3 years ago.
it's weird to think about it now.
right after how i reacted, i immediately regretted my reaction.
but i guess everything is too late now, isn't it?
bittersweet moment.

2007-12-24T08:28:00.000+08:00

a brief update on some of the things that i have done since the end of my second essay.
to keep it brief, i baked.

1) chocolate coffee cookies

2) chocolate marshmallow brownies

3) carrot cake with lemon zest/soft cheese icing

yay.
next i shall attempt to make 菜肉包、鸡包、大包 etc.
i bought 干酸母! that's dried yeast btw.

2007-12-20T20:35:00.000+08:00

done with arabic exam on tuesday. was so glad that the test was finally over. no arabic for at least a month now. but definitely will try to read some arabic over the holidays, just to refresh my knowledge (no matter how little there is) of the language. and i realised this morning there are arabic writings on the cadbury's crunchie package.
*
i finished typing all my lecture, did, my readings, and i am so free now! blogging at the politics dept, waiting for a 2pm seminar. last seminar of the year. it's on contemporayr international relations theory. man. i just love this module. it's interesting, and very debatable and contestable. because it's all theories and stuffs, as long as we don't get too deep into the philosophy side of it. then again, i have to look at the philosophical assumptions behind these theories because i need to have a objective, not subjective, viewpoint. but accordingly to Kenneth Waltz, who said that all theories are value-laden statements --- so how how?? and post-modernists say that each reader's intrepretation of the 'life text' is different and varied. ya i see where they are coming from... but you say until like that, i don't need to study already lar! that's why i don't really fancy post-modernists. the whole idea of deconstruction is just too disintegrating to be useful in IR (in my view). cosmopolitanism is interesting, but i didn't really like david held. that piece of writing i had to read in my first year written by him was just too much. i didn't understand anything. my view is that moral cosmopolitansim is easy to say (what we should do?) VS institutional cosmopolitanism (how we do it? -- practical concerns here). everyone knows what to do to bring about universal citizenship, to treat others not wrt to their nationalities, ethics, religions, but because they are human beings. but 'how to do it' is the critical question. and i do not think cosmopolitan thinkers provided a very constructive and feasible plan especially in global governance. maybe because i see myself as more a realist / neorealist (i haven't decided which, whether human nature / structuralism is more important??). but in any case, i don't see international cooperation is possible to take a step further than what it is now. states cooperate, because there are benefits to do so. and do so in a game of deceive and manipulation. so i am not very optimistic about global environmentalism. maybe the world will disappear before we even talk about a global environmental code which somehow US will comply to. above are very poorly supported arguements, and some very sweeping generalisations. but hey, this is a blog. i don't have to time to reference and do my readings. but ya, nonetheless, they are my thoughts.
*

2007-12-18T08:07:00.000+08:00

arabic exam later! i have been reading and writing from the right to left for the past week. and i am at the point where i find it strange that english goes from the left to right!
*
as a result from my exam preparation, i haven't been reading for my politics seminars! how!? i will be reading like mad on tuesday and wednesday nights i guess =( but i still have thursday to look forward to, hope everything will turn out fine! oh wait, tuesday night there will be a steamboat gathering at my house... means less time to study, crap.
*
oh btw, i kinda fell down the stair outside my room! well, it's nothing serious, i slipped five steps XD and now my right little toe is swollen and can't bend forward without feeling the pain. i can't even walk properly when i am wearing covered toe shoes XD but it will be so cold to wear opened toe sandals in this weather!
*
i heard the new simple plan single! it is alright, but nothing exciting/fascinating. hope their new album will be gd though =) wonder if they will ever perform in sheffield...
*
i realise, i learn, i understand, i know, that i don't care because i realise, i learn, i understand, i know, that they don't either. if i care and they don't, i get hurt. if they care, and i don't, at least i don't get hurt. if none of us care, there is nth to worry. if we all care, then there is no need for this blog. 要是你不要别人有心或无意碰到你的伤口，那最关键的便是别让自己有伤口……这才是最保险的方法。因为我不能控制别人，也不能阻止他们，我能做的只是不让自己受伤……
忍一时风平浪静、退一步海阔天空。
要知道已经发生的事是无奈的，要改变的是自己的态度与看法。否则人生只会是痛苦，时间总是漫长。要是‘如果‘只能在梦里实现，那就不要让我睡着。哪怕梦有多完美，醒来后还是得面对事实。
*

2007-12-15T07:40:00.000+08:00

i love one piece i love one piece i love one piece
when you say it three times, it's true XD

2007-12-13T02:33:00.001+08:00

it has been nearly two weeks since i lasted updated on this space. seriously you can't blame me. i had two essays to write, not to mention many readings to do (as always), and now i have an arabic exam to prepare. argh!
*
this afternoon i went to the city centre, outside the city council building, in front of the christmas tree, stood a christian group carol singing. it was then i realised: it's christmas (again!). well, i have started writing christmas cards, but it's more like a habit. something i am doing because i need/want to do, but the feeling just wasn't there. the carol singing changed that though.
christmas christmas...
i remember every year in my primary school, one day before the start of christmas/new year holiday, the school held christmas party by class. we clear the tables and chairs and put them against the classroom walls. except for a few tables to put the food. before the day, the class would discuss and decide whose parents were cooking which dishes/deserts. and there was also gift exchange, i think. sounds so childish now. but seriously, it's good memory =)
*
sometimes i have tourble understanding myself. if you ask me for something, or ask for my help, i can unconditionally answer your request. to the point that i think may appear a bit illogical. these are times when my heart rules over my brain. it doesn't happen often, but it does happen. dpending on my mood, and who asks me, of course. you wouldn't expect 'momo' to ask me, neither would you expect i answer 'momo's' request, would you? but then again, you don't know who 'momo' is, so nvm. and now i am sounding a little illogical as well.
*
i think...that sometimes friends who tell you their problems their worries their concerns may or may not be your true friends. but those who sincerely share their happiness with you, you can count on them. because they still remember your existence when they are basking in happiness. then again, i can be wrong.
*

2007-11-30T08:19:00.000+08:00

你要令他以你的喜爱为喜爱，要令他以你的厌恶为厌恶，如果你有这个本事，她就会比死更难受 -- 改自《金枝慾孽》

2007-11-29T08:05:00.000+08:00

i can seriously predict. it's freaking me out!
*
some things are best left unsaid, some questions are best left not asked. i heard and i asked and i knew. at the end of it, i could only laugh.
*
watched mon meilleur ami at the union just now. that means 'my best friend' in french btw.
it's a rather light piece, slow-moving though. but quite refreshing.
talking about how a sucessful art dealer finding his way to true friendship.
a scene in the movie goes like this:
"do you have a friend to call at 3am? when you have a big problem?"
"i don't have any big problems"
"that's the big problem, you don't have anyone to call at 3am!"
makes me want to laugh seriously. french humour.
but makes me want to cry at the same time.
if you give me 10 days to bring my best friend (s) in front of you and try to test our friendship,
will i be like dealer francois, writing down the names of people on a piece of papar, and try to rank them according to how close i am to them or they are to me?
ah... here is the catch. you may be very close to someone, but that someone may not be very close to you. right? some people are just born with the gift to befriend anyone. can't deny that.
so anyway, will i be able to bring to you my best friends, or true friends, for that matter? (let's not be particular here, there aren't many to choose from, haha)
i really am not very sure here. not that i am denying all the friends i have made. but like a line in the movie "when you seem to know everyone, you know no one. we are all lonely".
well, i'm going to interpret this my way.
when i seem to know what's going on with people ard me, their news, their relationships, their families, their works --- it seems that i know nothing at all.
what about their feelings, their thoughts, their emotions. i very want to enter their spheres, but will i ever be given the chance?
yet i know it's unfair to ask too much. for i myself seldom give people the chance to enter mine, who am i to demand others?
right?

2007-11-28T17:18:00.000+08:00

have been blogging almost daily nowadays, because renie-chan is not feeling too well. in fact, i am not feeling well at all. no not that kind of physically ill. but you know...
i need to get over it soon. knowing things i shouldn't know, meeting people i shouldn't meet. it's painful at the end of the day. for me only. once again, 欺骗，伤害，遗弃自己的人，还是自己……

2007-11-28T07:51:00.000+08:00

recently decided to move my pillow to the other end of my bed, so now i am sleeping right under my window, which opens to the sky. now i get to see the moon whenever i can't sleep. just like the old times. back home. long ago.
*
"pls don't let it to be true, that's all i am asking" --- i wonder if i can predict future...because i guessed right. unfortunately.
*
if only the union music room was available today, i would have been happier. the disadvantage of not staying at a place with piano. last year. ranmoor music room. it's good my parents let me learnt music, else there are perhaps no other avenues i can pour my heart out. i'm at my weakest when i play on the piano / pick up my violin. because music betrays me and my emotions.
*

2007-11-27T08:57:00.000+08:00

watched Black Gold at the arts tower just now. it's a documentary about coffee (production in ethiopia) and trade (in the international market). how one kilo of coffee beans can give you about 80 cups of 2 dollars coffee, but is only bought for less than 1 dollar from the coffee farmers. the film also points out how coffee makers like starbucks (in fact, the film interestingly only prefers to put its emphasise on starbucks) have, as a result of 'exploiting' the low market price for coffee beans in the international market.
the discussion after the documentary was ... interesting. the two student hosts took turns to response to questions and opinions from the floor. despite their differences on ideological grounds (one is an anarchist, the other one a marxist, i think), they both seemed to agree that it's the fault of the major coffee companies i.e. starbucks, which are not doing their job to (1) reach out directly to the coffee bean farmers, hence cutting down the number of stages between primary producers and buyers; and (2) apply pressure on 'middlemen' to pay farmers a higher price for their crops.
some suggested that the measure should be top-down. eg. starbucks management should have the initiative to demand a fairer market price for coffee beans. while others commented that the bottm-up approach would be more appropriate and 'sustainable', because only then is power given to the coffee bean farmers (producers).
regardless of the 'corrective' measures, the 'desired' end-result is the same. that the raw coffee beans are going to be sold at a higher price, because farmers are going to receive a higher price for each kilo of beans they are selling. with the increase in cost, it is certain that consumers have to pay more for a cup of coffee. why? because companies are profit-maximisers, without reducing costs at other stages of production, they have no choice but to pass the increase in production costs to the consumers. so what will happen at the end of the day? that the whole plan will simply not work. because being consumers, we are not willing to pay a higher price, no one is going to care how altruistic you are. people are only able to pay for eg. organic products, fair trade items, because they have the cash to do so. this is capitalism.
call it evil. but this is the way the market is functioned.
also not forgetting, once the export price of, let say, coffee beans, increases in one country, how is it going to ensure other producers from the third world are going to do the same? for if the latter do not, then the one who has increased its price / has its price increased by buyers is screwed. buyers can simply look for cheaper alternatives elsewhere.
i am not sure what the solution should be. i am just pointing out that the 'solutions' suggested so far aren't going to solve the problems. realist.
---
there is another point in the documentary that is worth mentioning.
that the third world countries are dependent on aid given by the developed countries (often the very same countries which exploit the former in the international market)
it's true that the developing countries have gotten themselves in a vicious cycle. they have no choice but to receive aid so to fill their stomachs, but yet as a result, their economic policies are 'controlled' by the developed countries. which leads to further exploitation, and more aid is needed and blah blah blah.
on a side note, about political intervention. the buyers / governments of developed countries are clearly not the only one to blame, just because they have the money and power, that they feed the developing countries, doesn't necessary mean that they have political influence. i am not denying their intervention, yet one cannot help but to notice there are always a group of locals (from the developing countries) who 'negotiate' and benefit through collabrating with the developing countries. not to mention such people are usually part of the governments in.

2007-11-25T03:03:00.000+08:00

went to a nearby music store yesterday to buy 'my violin' a shoulder rest, mute, and a string. ya, i snapped its g string the day before yesterday while i was tuning it. chatting with the violin maker while he was adjusting the shoulder rest. he asked if i have been playing long. i told him 'well not really, i started when i was 13'
'so now you are 14?'
i don't know why, but he thought i am that age, while in fact i am already 20.
and he said 'you should continue your lesson'. i didn't reply.
sigh, i want to continue my lesson too. or at least, play in an strings orchestra.
this afternoon went to the music room in union, felt good to pick up a violin after so long.
i don't think the room is sound-proof though.
well at least it's better than my room.
sound from next room / house diffuses through an extremely permeable membrane -- my room walls.
it has a piano in the music room too! looks like i won't be doing nothing during christmas holiday after all.

2007-11-23T03:27:00.000+08:00

so in the end, you also disappoint me. and just when i thought i found someone i can really talk to.

Joe.Hisaishi月光星願2003鋼琴演奏會-ToToRo

2007-11-22T21:48:00.001+08:00

2007-11-21T09:08:00.000+08:00

where'd you go? i miss you so. seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone.
*
no matter who i talk to and what i talk about
it always reminds me of you
when i am walking back home alone
when the rain is falling hard
when the sky is filled with stars
when the moon is round
despite the many times i try to avoid it
tears still roll down my face
i always want to scream "it's unfair"
yet i also remember how blessed i am
but still...
i just don't understand
why did you lie to me
why gave me hope when you know there was none
why made me believe only to let me fall down harder
*
so would you please walk through the door once again
because i still have many things not said
many hugs not returned
many happiness to share
many more sadness to confide in you
*
is this your way to make me stronger
because i don't like it at all
for in front of people i am strong
but in my room i am sobbing silently by myself
*

2007-11-19T08:40:00.000+08:00

*
tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired
*
jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous
*
empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty
*
anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious
*

2007-11-15T22:07:00.000+08:00

a long-overdue entry/update on my nottingham trip...

li kin chung's first reaction when he saw me: "omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg..."
no i am not kidding. the "omg-ing" continued all the way from nottingham uni volleyball court, on our way back to his place, till we were in his living room.

not surprising i guess. after all, last week in nott was the FIRST time i saw these two pri sch mates (li kin chung and anna ng) after i left PGMS in june 1999.

due to the rather inconvenient summer holiday singapore education calender has, i was never in hong kong the same time as the rest who left hk for studies. neither were my friends who have remained in hk free to meet up with me. it was really depressing. because carmas (another pri sch classmate) always send me email updates on what's happening to our class, and their outings/bbqs.

so anyway, i couldn't help but to feel surreal when i was sitting on the sofa watching tv with my 2 classmates in li's house. in no manner could i ever imagine that would happen. because it was just too bizarre to comprehend the possibility of meeting up with each other in another country. but meeting up with them last week has made me smile (to my myself, scary) the past few days.

looks wise, i doubt any of the three of us has changed much. characters, yes and no, i guess, haha. but no matter what, it felt really good to see them after all these years, 一丝暖意在心头.

meeting up with them made me realise how much i miss my pri sch life back in hk. how much i want to see the rest of our pri sch class.

一切被我埋在心底里的回忆，又重现在眼前。我想，只有小学同学会有可能记得为什么我的童年会在1999年6月结束……

2007-11-15T22:03:00.001+08:00

can't you even tell i was faking my laughs? but of course you can't, who do i think you are?

2007-11-09T07:12:00.000+08:00

十一月八日晴/雨
今早，太阳。中午，雨+阳光。下午，太阳。晚上，大风。
傍晚到学校出席massoc hustings，看到一位一位候选人轮流上前发表演说，销售自己的办事能力，对社团的热情，努力地为自己拉票……突然又令我想起自己放弃参加hksoc的提名和选举。
可能因为前几天被那个新上任的财政气到要命，让我怀疑她的能力，真的在想：他妈的，这种人来接班？！
选举前，有人问为什么我没有自荐
选举时，有人问为什么我的名字不再投票单字上
选举后，有人问为什么不在为hksoc服务
而每一次，他们都说有多希望我会继续在hksoc委员会帮忙
我一直都不知道我在他们眼中是一个尽责任的人
不是因为我做事马虎，而是我以为别人一直都没有留意到我的贡献
每次他们问起，我都不禁会感到一点可惜
可惜因为在我第一次参选时，投我一票的人根本不知道我是谁，或我的能力
到了能力被认同后，我又没有参加选举 what a waste!?
*
等候是我现在唯一能做的
纵使我知道不可能
但我还是怀着不符合逻辑的希望
这就是我的愚蠢
*

2007-11-07T07:41:00.000+08:00

so the new treasurer came asking for help. while i was at home, sitting in front of my laptop, minding my own business, and couldn't help but wonder why on earth is there to help with? isn't everything pretty simple. why can't the new guy just ask the source? or the finance office? and stop bothering me, who retired long time ago. i didn't get any help last year (the previous treasurer graduated before i arrived in sheffield) and things turned out to be fine. and it's because things are so easy to handle, it's just money. i just don't understand people, why can't they solve their own bloody problems by themselves? do i look that nice to approach to. i mean it's just filling in a credit slip, what sorts of details do you need to ask me about? those instructions on the sheet are so bloody clear. what's wrong in your mind such that you can't fill it in? will somebody pls tell me!? if you really can't do it, i wonder why you are here.
*
and i'm so pissed now that i can't even remember what else i want to blog about...
*
oh yes, here i must state, i fake because i need to protect myself.
1) what's wrong with protecting yourself from other people, and why bother to trust them in the first place, after the person closest to you kinda lied to you and hurt you as a result?
2) i totally think everyone does fake it from time to time, to different people, to a different extent, for a different reason. and i agree that at times someone can be completely true to another person, but my point is it just doesn't happen all the time. and i don't see anything wrong about it.
i don't want to hurt myself by letting you hurt me
*

2007-11-06T20:38:00.000+08:00

man. i thought i quited being the treasurer?!
more updates tonight (if my internet allows)

2007-11-01T06:59:00.000+08:00

i'm tired. like really tired.
yes i complain here, because i have few alternatives to do so.
i submitted an essay on tue, i went to shop with my friend on wed (and in case you are wondering, no, i am not that kind of girl who enjoys window-shopping, i shop because i have to, not because i want to) and crap, going out with friends now is more like an obligation than anything else.
tmr there's a hse party, fri there is badminton, sat is social + party. do i really have 24 hours a day?
i know i know, there are tonnes of student out there who have busier schedules than mine. but so what? each person has different ability and tolerance.
*
i keep telling myself - i am a nice person i am a nice person i am a nice person
i don't care who, what, where, when, how. i am a nice person, because i have to be one.
no matter how much i dislike some people.
damn damn damn. i can be so fake sometimes. most of the time.
*

2007-10-19T08:11:00.000+08:00

i just joined the hk scholar alumni group on facebook.
it's so scary. because i see scholars from as early as the early-1990s batch.
some of them even have their kids' photos as their profile pics.
i still can't take in the fact that there were so many seniors before me.
because i simply have not had the chance to meet any of them.
but the fact that we were all hk students chosen to study in sg, is nonetheless pretty cool, in the sense that, it's like fate.
相遇就是一种缘份...
***
就因为相遇也是缘份的一种，我尽量以十分友善的态度对待身边的人。
很多次，当我跟好友投诉一些我看不顺眼的人，他们都会对我说
“算了吧！世界上这么多人，冥冥中遇到他们，也是你们之间的缘份”
虽然通常这些话都很会令我‘喷饭’，不过我至少也得同意一半的道理。
是有缘，但无份……
***
觉得过去20年，我遇到很多‘有缘无份’
是自己不争气，自己没胆量，没勇气，no guts!
让我错失很多情感
***
为了保护自己，最近我又开始撒谎了。
不同人问了同样的问题已经有n次了……可惜，那是那个问题是自我介绍表格上，有打*号的空格。
因为无数次的‘回答排练’，已经让我能够对付每一种的‘口头攻击’。
随机应变是我的宗旨。
***

2007-10-16T04:25:00.000+08:00

!
it has been a really really really long while since i last updated here.
i wonder if anyone is still reading this.
but once again! i blog not for people to read, but for myself to type.
anyway, the start of a new academic year has been rather busy.
cleaning room & house, going to classes, soc meetings, meeting people and blah blah blah.
to the point that about 30 mins ago, i was in a rather depressed mood.
depressed not because i am unhappy ways things are, but because of a particular one person.
man, i never run out of people to hate, do i?!? **evil laughters**
but with a new episode of 'one piece' already out online, i am feeling all happy again =)
amazed how much wonder one episode of jap anime can do to me...
i am debating with myself if i should run for hksoc.
run, as in running for the next committee.
while i just said that i am still 'debating', i believe my answer is no.
i am disappointed, not to mention too busy to work with the soc on such matters.
and i want to try sth new and / or different.
spent ages on facebook during summer holiday, no longer so addicted to it since new term has begun, which is a good thing!
it is not that cold now in sheffield, either because the weather has taken a better turn, or i have gotten used to the cold.

Aqua timez - 千の夜をこえて Sen No Yoru Wo Koete

2007-09-12T18:54:00.001+08:00

2007-08-11T15:24:00.000+08:00

legal bid to save HK's colonial pier fails -- ST
so it is finally decided, another building of colonial heritage is going to be demonished after months of protest staged by conservationists. sometimes i wonder the plan to remove such buildings is part of a larger scheme to make HK less 'colonial'. yes, the clock tower and star ferry pier were removed as part of a harbour reclamation project. but isn't it all too convenient to commence such projects, and at the same time, remove what is left of our colonial history. after all these years that they have served their purposes, soon what is going to be left behind are nothing more than memory held by the older generation and to a certain extent, our generation. the new ones (loosely referring to those born after 1997) will never have a chance to learn about the HK when it was under the British colonial rule. which i think, is not something that they want them to learn anyway. after all, this is the generation that have grown up listening to the national anthem everyday before the news programme is aired on TV. this is the generation who are born with the blue passport.
*
reading that the queen's pier is going to be demolished reminds me of the old national library building. though i am not a singaporean nor someone who used to frequent the former historical building, i can't help but feel for those who had to watch the then national icon of singapore to give away for (what!?) the construction of a tunnel to ease road traffic to the city.
*
perhaps if we seek architectural expertise, we see no merit in keeping these buildings. for there are many more better representatives. yet, these places don't have a place in people's hearts because of simply what they are, but what people's memory they hold. a city with all its first-rate, unique-designed concrete building with ceiling-to-floor glass may glitter, but without its memory it can never shine.

2007-08-05T21:52:00.001+08:00

one month

Yellowcard - Only One

2007-07-31T20:56:00.001+08:00

2007-07-28T21:10:00.000+08:00

just when i was thinking how unexciting this week has been, and how moody i was at work, and at home. something arrived finally. the letter totally brightens up my week.

2007-07-27T14:29:00.000+08:00

a lot of things i did and i didn't do, are very sadly going to remain to be some of the biggest regrets of my life (so far). looking back at our pics, and my memory, i often wonder if i could have possibly done something more than what i did. am i wasting time here. yes and no. only through a reflection of what we did, can we find out what we can do to minimise further regrets in our life. but change is the only constant. and opportunities need time to nurture, yet changes ensure the same old opportunities aren't going to turn their backs to look for you. they hide their whereabouts even if you desperately try to find them. i am fine with changes, as long as they are changes for the better. and changes according to my preferences.
*
look ard us, and see chaos. heatwaves. floods. earthquakes. hurricane. suicide bombers. terrotists. extremists. vicious poverty cycle. corruption. embezzlement. income inequality. child abuse. illegal immigrants...
many times i find it fascinating that problems, be they international, national, personal, political, economic, social, health... are never solved. a doctor found the cure to this disease, but the following day, a new strain appeared on the Earth surface. today we cut down the level of co2 to compensate for our lack of actions 30 years ago. tomorrow we know CFCs are a agent too. now you get your year-end bonus, aimed at workers of lower pay-package, later you pick up the newspaper and read about the increase of indirect tax.
sometimes i wonder if human is all but part of a cycle too. didn't some people say that there existed civilisations whose technologies developments were extremely remarkable, yet unable to escape their fates because of some massive natural disasters and/or unknown causes?
what if, we used to exist as ourselves eons ago. before the dinosaurs, let me be more specific, our generation of dinosaurs. meaning you, and me, and so does everyone used to exist. went through the necessary ages and -lisations, technological developments, WWI, WWII, global warming, 9/11, 7/7, and all perished because 1) WWIII, 2) natural disasters, 3) aliens, 4) others. and after a freaking long time, because of the combination % of oxygen, hydrogen, and water vapour in some -spheres stuck to Earth's surface, Earth was 'reborn' again, and dinosaurs appeared again, and stone-age, and WWI, WWII, global warming, and blah blah, blah...
so maybe until this generation understand of how pyramis are built, and able to build more pyramis on the sites of those they are now in the category of 'unstable building structures', we don't have to worry about the eradication of human, just yet.
*

2007-07-24T14:24:00.000+08:00

watched 'invisible target' yesterday, also known as 男儿本色.
i would say it is a 'not-bad' movie. action is quite good, but the dialogues are totally lame. *spoiler's alert!* especially when jaycee chan's character was dying, i was sitting there and thinking 'gosh, will you just shut up and die!? stop saying such lame stuffs...'
the movie isn't all just about action. though of course the plot was written for the sake of having people to fight each other 'like there's no tomorrow'.
i thought 'justice' is one of the main themes in the movie. well, not that i really care what the theme is.
you watch some movies because everyone watches them, others because they make you think, some because you want to have a good laugh / scare, or because you want to see the actors / actresses. 'invisible target' is the one that i watch because the actors make me think of someone.

2007-07-17T19:08:00.000+08:00

my facebook horoscope says: don't let your emotions show in an inappropriate setting this week. Fake a smile until you're in private and can let out your real feelings.
oh....
i love facebook